Guilt

There is this feeling that wont go away
And its deep inside of me
Reflection of the past yields
Regrets in the present

There is this feeling that wont go away
And its deep inside of me

I never meant to hurt you,
Even when I did
It was my selfish nature
And my pompous pride
CreatinG that sorrow on your face
And its far too late to erase
But thank you.
Thank You for loving me anyway

There is this feeling that wont go away
And its deep inside of me.

My insecurities took over
I wanted you to love me
But so it seeMs that no amount of tussling can make someone love
And once you did it was too late
A compromise turned into a scar, unhealed
No bandage for this wound

There is this feeling that wont go away
And its deep inside of me.

When will I know that you care?
Why cant I show you I do?
I am of you
A life alMost surrendered
Selflessness defined
Selfishness refined
Lets let love take its course
It'll all mean nothing
If I dont say something
Before it all goes away

There is this deep feeling
Inside of me
Go Away

Where Do Dreams Go?

I search for the manifestations of my deep desires

Within the shallow, emptiness of another’s heart

Wherein we both reside in dark void.

I hope with enthusiasm that somehow you have arrived

So that you may render me a ticket to the “peace station”

Which my spirit woman knows, you and I both have not found

I close my eyes and conjure up the image of who I want to be

Still just a tad bit unwilling to stir the latent motivation that lies within me

Thereby motivation escapes into the warped world between the concavity of the mirror and

the space in which I stand.

Where do dreams go?

Do they somehow vanish into particles of unbelief and strife?

Swept away into the nearby water?

A petite dam in between the cracks of the sidewalks the next young girl will walk on?

Deferred are dreams to those whose vision is obstructed by the veil

I long to hear THE loved ones permission to resume.

From where has this light arrived?

Is this the son light?

How full is man’s heart.

Beneath the veil, beyond the void.

Broken

I am Broken
What you see is a put together outside
Covering a shattered inside
And it is on the inside that you feel love
But love escapes me

I am Broken
Like a series of promises you made me
I had hoped you would keep the one where you said
"You'd love me no matter what"
But that was a matter of circumstance

I am Broken
The hardest thing for me to do is embrace you
But I want to
I'll stand by you or beside you
Whatever makes you feel whole

I am Broken
I sit still here
Helpless
With the urge to build
With no tools
And the hope to love
With no heartbeat

I am Broken
Where is this Master?
Does He live within?
I call on Him
Will He come in?
And mold me into someone to me?
Will he take the time to gather all of broken me?

I Have Learned

I Have Learned that I gained so much when I allowed you to love me. I was resistant before

I Have Learned that your presence consumes me in a way that leaves me speechless

I am in awe of you

I Have Learned that I should not fear. I have no reason to be afraid. I am armed with your favor

I Have Learned that all that ever mattered in this world was you. I missed out on living

I Have Learned that I am beautiful and powerful beyond the world's standards. I am beautiful

and powerful in the heavenly realm

I Have Learned that I give myself away so that you will transform me into a life to be given to others

I Have Learned that trouble don't last always and that victory is in my perception. I am a victor

today, tomorrow and yesterday

I Have Learned that these lessons means sitting in a classroom with no desk, no classmates

and no pen. You God are my professor. You write the next chapters

I Have Learned that where you lead me. I will follow

Take Time

Take time to fall in love with yourself

that aint cliche

Take time to love every freckle and love handle on your body.

Take to time to praise Him

and then take some more time to praise YOU.

You have earned the right to smear red puckered lips all over your soul.

Take time to answer those questions you've always had and take time to rub your hands all over your BODY.

Take time to look back at all your mistakes

And then take time to rebuke every thing and every thought that would want you to feel guilty about those mistakes.

Take time to sit for five minutes with your eyes closed and dream,

Take time to cease that dream and make it your life.

Take time to love him and take time to resist any urge you may have to stop communication.

Take time to see yourself LOVED and BLESSED and LAVISHED by the man God has sent you.

Take time to scream and let the world know that you are here.

Take some more time to let them know that you don't care if they know.

Take time to laugh and cry

to pray and doubt

to assume faith and then grow.

Take time to fall in love with everything your mom and dad told you not to become.

Take time to love God whole heartedly and completely.

Take 

time 

to 

Take

Time.

Scholars

Love is not math.

Love is science.

Love is one big science experiment with no hypothesis...

And I'm not gonna entertain the consequences that may come along if we mix chemicals together.

Because I want all of you inside of me.

You might be thinkin' sexually. 

But baby im thinkin spiritually.

that's when I feel like we're meant to be.

and Im not even about all this rhymin' sh*t.

Love is not science.

Love is math.

Because YOU plus ME equals this ecstasy that I cant explain..

And I dont want to.

I just wanna sit back and feel the love that you exude..

Even when your miles away.

Love is not one

Love is two

The two of us educating each other on math and science and science and math

Because surely we are scholars on the subject.

Touch me once again

Lord, touch me once again 

so that when you do we can become intimate again

Because if you do I will be exposed to your glory moreover

And Im hoping that it will overflow so that when it does, it will spill into others lives

so that they may be blessed by your righteousness

And it has all been so simple this whole time

but yet I did not know for what to appeal

Yet, it is by your glory that I am able to be completely healed and delivered and frrreeee

And I think your touching me right now, everyday

Its just that at times I am too stubborn to unharden this hardened heart of mine

Is it as simple as to just ask for your touch?

Yes I want to receive but I want to be in relationship with you more than what comes along 

Then I can know how to treat others and love others and....touch others

Like you

When you

touch me

Stranger

I am a stranger to the home I helped to build
I have the bruises on my heart to prove it.
I am not welcomed here and yet I prayed day after day for us to make it through
You tell me to go
But I long to stay with you
And love you
And have you love me
Is it possible to be happy?
Or is that one of those emotions that only one in a billion people feel and never live to share it?
I belong here.
This is my home...
You can lock me out
But I still have the key because I built itI
still have the pain and the sweat and the tears to prove it.
And yet at the end of this day....
I still long to love you
And have you love me

Manifestations

I wish that I could call everything what it is 

and say how everything should be but the truth of the matter is that I am a product of manifestations of mistakes, unfulfilled dreams and God's Grace.

I never knew that the anger and violence that I woke up to 

would slowly become me, although thats not what I wanted to be.

And no Im not placing blame 

Im just acknowledging those not so safe choices we've all made

but it was His Grace.

And those dreams you didnt fulfill

Dont worry momma I got you

Im not upset, Im just grateful for how much you've pushed me to excel

and to dream and to excel and to dream and dream

It could be irony 

but I say its destiny

and for once it seems as though our souls are crying out for the very same...love.

His unfailing Love.

...

Suffocation and Liberation

I know what its like to be suffocated

Because right now as I speak---

I cant breathe

I am gasping for air and sometimes ...

He lets up on his grip to let me a see a while

To see what I'm missing 

all the blessings that could be mine

and I beg and plead with him to let go

I cant breathe. Gasping for air I scream

But no one hears. I moan but no one responds

writhing pains run throughout my body

and although I blink and hope for a dream,

I open my eyes and there is still darkness.

Tears stream down my face

my head is pulsating

this strait jacket is impossible to escape

I pull and prod until im all outta

*Strength*

God where are you?

Yet in the midst of my suffering I desperately seek comfort and your holy spirit leads me to Romans

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

A whisper in my ear repeats, 

LIBERATION, LIBERATION

"For the creation was subjected to frustration not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it. In hope that the creation itself will be LIBERATED from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."

Tears stream down my face

My head is pulsating

This strait jacket is loosening up.

I lift my head and my arms drop to my side

and although I can only but whisper

Hallelujah...Hallelujah

I can breathe again

Bank of (Wh0se) America?

Stay Tuned for more about Bank of America and how maybe Im not apart of the Family                                                                                        

Luster

Why aren't I beautiful?

Why don't you for one minute

 think that maybe I would be the Girl of your Dreams 

even if I am a size 16?

and if you are so hard and such a man and...so hard

y do you internalize the image of the women that society tells you to?

y do you overlook me because my legs are thick my shoulders are wide and my skin is caramel.

But you'd like this caramel if only you could taste it

and I know you'd want to

but you cant because I belong to somebody.

My Father. and yes we're in love 

and damn right. Im fly. Cuz I was made in his image.

Breast MIDSECTION and all.

If only once you looked into my eyes

and not my size

you could finally come to internalize

that I am beautiful.

and you've.

lost out.